A Recent Miracle

First, I want to say that I record this here with full permission of Ethan.  He has read this entry before I pushed publish, and is comfortable with what I am sharing.  I want to record this here because this blog really has become the journal of my motherhood.  A record of our family.  He loves our blog and the books that come from it.  And, at this point, only family and very close friends read it anyway!

So this story begins a long time ago - probably around kindergarten, though we didn't even know about it until about 6 months ago.  The past four years of school have been really hard for Ethan.  Starting in about the 4th grade, things got hard for him.  Homework that should only take 10 minutes was taking hours.  Literally hours.  In the fifth grade, things started to unravel. Forgetting to turn in assignments, forgetting to do assignments, no concept of time management developing, wanting to achieve good grades in school but failing at it over and over.  Forgetting materials needed for homework.  The fifth grade year I picked up Ethan every day from school because we didn't have bussing.  And literally every day, I would have him pull out his binder right there in the car, show me his homework list, and without fail, he had forgotten a book he needed so we would send him back into school.  His teacher tried to help remind him of needed materials but he would still forget.

Sixth grade began Junior high and a rigorous schedule.  Ethan tried to keep up but more often than not fell behind.  He would do his homework (again, taking hours to do assignments that should take minutes) and then forget to turn them in.  Grades plumetted.  We tried all the techniques the school supported, checking in online with his assignments nightly, but still, I couldn't go to school with him, so things were getting left behind, not turned in, and everything took FOREVER.

Seventh grade went further down the tubes.  There was a time I am ashamed to admit that Gordon and I looked at each other after another frustrating week and thought, "maybe he's not as bright as we thought he was." We've always felt that Ethan was SO SMART.  Highly intelligent.  He is an avid reader, puzzle solver, mathematician.  Clearly a gifted musician.  But shouldn't someone that bright be able to remember to turn in his practice journal for Band, and thereby raise his grade to passing?

About half way through the year we could see Ethan giving up too.  I don't blame him.  He mentioned dropping out more than once.  He made a conscious decision to skip assignments, because he knew that even though he was doing the work, and spending every free minute working for school, he was going to fail several classes.  Even classes where he understood the material.  He missed a field trip because his grades were too low.  And, he was even showing some signs of depression.  I don't blame him.

We didn't know what to do.  We met with the counselor at school one more time, who was sure she would have some ideas for us.  We explained every tactic we had used to help him, organize him, reward him for successes, consequences for failures, etc.  And she said, "I normally have parents come in because there are things they haven't tried yet, and I have some ideas for them.  But I literally have nothing to tell you.  You've tried everything."

It was about a week after this that I was sitting in a RS presidency meeting.  I had been the RS secretary for all of a week and it was our second meeting.  Somebody asked how things were and for some reason I exploded.  Out came these stories of Ethan being grounded, our confusion of why school was so hard, privileges lost, the feelings of frustration for our boy.  My friend Mary kept asking for more info and I kept giving it, thinking "why am I telling her all of this!!!" And when I had finished she said, "Rachel, he has ADHD."

WHAT?  No, he is not hyper at all.  He never has been.  She went on to talk about the inattentive type of ADHD, where there is no hyper activity present.  I had never heard of this, it had never been explained to me or suggested to me by any teacher, counselor, doctor, etc.  Well, after the meeting I got online and did a few online tests about "do you have ADHD"and every single one came back with a 90%+ chance of this being a problem, and advice to seek out a doctor.  Which we immediately did.

Ethan was very open to having the testing done.  He knew he needed help and agreed with what the internet was telling us.  He was tested for several hours, tested to rule out a learning disorder, IQ, the works.  And guess what.  Ethan has ADHD inattentive type.  His IQ is extremely high.  I was so ashamed of myself for doubting it for a moment.  But his processing speed scores are only average.  Which means there is a huge discrepancy between his IQ and his processing speed.  And that's where it stems from.  And there is medication that can help him.

AND IT DOES!  I am so happy to say, that 7 weeks into this school year, my son has straight A's.  He does his homework.  He is capable of organizing himself.  He knows when things are due.  His homework takes him a fraction of the time it used to.  His teachers sit him at the front of the class to help him with his natural tendency to become distracted.  And he is succeeding!  And he is happy!  My happy boy is back.

And I am so thankful.  Because this is a miracle I prayed for every day, for years.   And I was helped.  I was helped through a random conversation around my kitchen table when we were supposed to be having a Relief Society meeting, and a friend was inspired to speak up.  I know this was not a coincidence of any sort, because I felt it.  You don't feel coincidence.  I felt it the moment she said it.  Her words raced through me like fire, and continued to when I went to the internet.  It was a miracle.  Thank you God.  I am so so so so thankful.  And so is Ethan!